Your ego owns the fast lane.

So you are in the fast lane doing 120 klicks in your red Chrysler van. You see me catching up on the inside. So what do you do? 

You speed up because you know its against the law for anybody to be faster than your ego, fragile that it is. Once you realize that nobody can pass you on the right, since there are other vehicles doing 120 klicks on the right you slow to 120 klicks. 

Now we have gridlock. Thank you. I was scared that your esteem issues would get the better of you, big man.

Nobody can pass you, nobody can get by you, all you have to do is stay in the fast lane doing the same speed as the middle lane.

Fortunately for the rest of us you have to exit. We can continue, safe from your retardedness. And to be fair, your plate told me you weren't quite from Ottawa. But I have seen this ego-lunancy from Ottawa before. Its really a human species thing.

Mercedes in Old Ottawa South

Like any neighbourhood there are humans. The live, breath, have kids, and don't expect heaven and earth to descend upon them causing havoc, confusion and death.

I am not sure if all Mercedes owners are arseholes, or if only arseholes own Mercedes but the attitude of entitlement seems to be regularly demonstrated.

Stop signs? They don't need no stop signs. That seemed to be what the Monday morning driver in the Mercedes appeared to indicate when they breezed through it in Old Ottawa South.

Wait my turn!!!!??? Are you freaking kidding? You lowly Subaru geek must feel the heel of my German Engineered attitude.

Its either that or they cannot find the break pedal - optional equipment for a Mercedes.

Hands Free

So I cycle to work, I sometimes drive to work, and I also walk a lot. In winter, I take the bus. I see Human Beings in all forms of transit.

When I cycle, I take some of Ottawa excellent pathways. It saves me from certain death by Ottawa's (and I was born in this city so I can say this) crappy drivers. But what annoys me about some of my fellow cyclists is people who feel the need to cycle hands free.

What I love about this approach is that if you #FAIL when cycling hands free you not only can injure yourself, but you can injure me. Badly. This is why I have an issue.

But last week I was treated to the feat of a hands-free cyclist, complete in Tour De France regalia, cycling hands free. But his hands were busy....

....on his freaking phone.

People are Pigs on the Road

I recently had the honour of waiting in traffic at the intersection of Prince of Wales and Hunt Club. I guess its the thing to do when you want to cross that God-forsaken Hunt Club Bridge.

Anyways, two cars ahead of me is a white van. Not the suburban cesspool Chrysler kind of absurdity. But a van used by people who have a need other than moving their kids to another Wunderkind activity. What do I happen to see but a piece of garbage being thrown from the driver's window. When the light changed and I moved closer I saw that it was a sandwich container.

It was lunch time, and the driver, having finished his purchased sandwich, decided to release the now unnecessary container to the environment.

Charming.

But wait! There's more.

As it happens I had to pass this now erratic driver on Riverside Drive. Was it the sandwich causing him Gastrointestinal grief that was the reason for the weaving?

No.

I was the fact that he was talking on his cell phone while, with his other hand, he was reaching for something (not the steering wheel silly) above the sun visor.

Species FAIL!

The Car, the Pedestrians, and the Cow

This evening my boys and I were walk home on the west side of  Elgin. When crossing Somerset in the pedestrian walk we approached a car turning right. Elgin traffic was busy, and so there was no chance that the car could turn right. Yet it blocked the pedestrian walk.

So here is the dilemma: We cannot walk behind the car because there is another car next to it and we could not squeeze between. We cannot walk in front of the car because this would mean we would need to walk into traffic on Elgin and possibly die.

But the car could back up.

So, other than standing in the middle of the pedestrian walk, in the middle of the intersection. I suggested to the driver of the blocking car to back up.

For this helpful suggestion, a passenger in another car yelled at me:

"Oh come one, walk around".

This (and I am being generous here) ignorant fat cow wanted me and my children to risk our life by walking in front of the car into Elgin traffic to get around a car when pedestrians have the right-of-way.

Examples of base ignorance and stupidity explain the problems with society, and our species.

Death Wish?

Say I have death wish and I also have a road and bicycle fetish. How would I want to die?

Clearly, what I saw last Monday night held the answer. A man on a bicycle riding down Bank Street in the Glebe at night with no lights or reflectors. Plus, at no additional brain power he was riding without his hands on the handlebars and he was listening to his mp3 player.

The only thing missing from this scene would be talking on the cell phone.

The Dog, The Glebe, and the Ottawa Driver

Imagine the look on my face as I watch, in slow motion, a driver lose control of their vehicles as they hurtle towards me. The driver frantically attempting to grasp the steering wheel as they make a right hand turn, and failing at it all the while encumbered with a small dog over their shoulder...

...lucky for me, and my children in the back seat that the driver eventually regained control at the last moment.

Next, same driver was distracted by me mouthing the words "you stupid idiot".

Was it the Glebe, the dog, or the Ottawa Driver(tm) at fault?